Planning for end-of-life care with compassion

Krista Ranacher

Living in a community that supports people through all stages of life is a source of peace in an increasingly anxious world. It could be said that we’re all dying from the moment we take our first breath, but that’s also the moment when we are all set on our individual path to the inevitable. We’re all the same, and we’re all different.

It is natural to desire a good quality of life and a dignified and peaceful passing. Yet, it is also natural to avoid hard conversations with our loved ones or to take steps to communicate our desires for end-of-life care, when circumstances may require someone to make decisions on our behalf. Here to help us take action to put these anxieties to rest is Compassionate Ottawa, “a movement that builds on the capacity of the citizens of Ottawa to be more capable and confident of helping themselves, their families and their communities to live well and to die and grieve well.” (www.compassionateottawa.ca)

Compassionate Ottawa provides resources for dealing with grief and bereavement for individuals, schools, workplaces and faith communities. A big part of their work is to provide information and resources on Advance Care Planning (ACP): “Compassionate Ottawa helps people and their communities start conversations about the values, wishes and beliefs that go into ACP. We do this by conducting workshops with trained volunteer facilitators to raise awareness of the issues. These issues include the need for ACP, how to choose and inform a substitute decision maker, and the types of decisions that may need to be made to maintain a meaningful quality of living until the end of life.”

Indeed, leaning in and preparing for the end of life and supporting others to do the same can help relieve the existential anxiety of our times. Your correspondent is of the Mr. Rogers generation who learned to “look for the helpers” in challenging moments and times of crisis. In aging, one comes to realize that being a good citizen and neighbour means finding opportunities to be a helper. In our Sandy Hill neighbourhood, the May Court Bargain Box shop at 228 Laurier Avenue East supports the May Court Hospice. Volunteers run the Bargain Box shop, and volunteers are also a big part of the team that makes the hospice a peaceful and welcoming place for those in their final days.

Volunteerism and entrepreneurship bridge the gaps between the medical system and the social aspects of dying. A volunteer at May Court Hospice now offers services as a “death doula.” Just like birth doulas, Christopher offers care services (including in Sandy Hill), ranging from dog walking and light housework to accompaniment on outings to simply sitting with people that need company. https://www.christopher-cares.com/

Ottawa has an aging population. Many older people have little intergenerational support, and often those that one might turn to are living at a distance and don’t have a lot of free time to devote to evolving and increasing needs. Christopher describes this as an “underground of people suffering alone.” Clearly, one doesn’t get into this line of work to get rich. But addressing the growing needs of our aging population is engaging and fulfilling work, no matter your entry point.

Compassionate Ottawa is a great place to start when thinking about your own Advance Care Plan and to help others do the same. Shopping at May Court Bargain Box or donating the results of a spring closet clear-out to their cause can provide a similar sense of satisfaction from doing something to support our community in these challenging times. It isn’t going to fix everything, but it helps us practice the proverb “better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.”